The complexity of Falzhaefengilt made manifest and musical alleviation.

The phrase Catch-22 is overused but it serves the purpose here to capture one aspect of Falzhaefengilt.

If you have so called "Bourgeois Guilt" and are aware of it, you will realize, with proper reflection, that no act, no matter how seemingly selfless, will relieve you of that guilt.  The reason is simply you can not be sure that your motivation is not entirely or to a strong degree to relieve the guilt.  The fact that you do an act to relieve the guilt corrupts the intention.  No act based on a corrupt intention is a genuinely good act.  Then put in a situation to do a good act the act itself becomes evidence of your guilt and convicts you.  There is actually no way to relieve Bourgeois Guilt, (c.f. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens when Bourgeois Guilt was Aristocratic Guilt) only to own up to it and feel guilty. However, I largely reject the Bourgeois Guilt hypothesis and it is not necessary to resort to it to explain Falzhaefengilt.

Another cause, a more spiritual cause, is illustrated below.

In this instance a person has developed a reasonable view of his or herself as a deeply flawed creature who, on the whole is a sinner.  This is reflected by the first scale.  In the process of doing a charitable act he or she considers not only the act but the motivations for the act and the smallness of the act in comparison to an entirely pure selfless act.  This self inspection reveals both past and future shortcomings, let us call these the "sins of omission."  The missing good of all potential acts of charity vastly overwhelms the mere flakes of goodness inherent in the particular act of charity leaving him or her in a worse position than before.  The only solace is that these sins of omission were already present just unaccounted but the value of the good act is still reduced by the impurity of the intention.

It seems to me that "good people" perhaps including saints, may often suffer from this form of Falzhaefengilt, as Schindler is dramatized to have suffered.

Is this view valid?

Before we proceed much further along, it may be helpful to know that music can provide temporary relief from Falzhaefengilt.  The reason music provides relief will be explored at some point in this blog, but as an experiment put yourself back in the situations of examples 1 and 2 (whichever, meditation upon made you feel worse).  Then click and watch one or more of the following carefully selected videos*:

Shelter, by Lone Justice
Beautiful Things, by Gungor
Kyrie, by Mr Mister
Bad, by U2
Hold Us Together, by Matt Maher

Questions for Reflection:
(1) Immediately after watching the video walk yourself through the scenario in Example 1 or 2 again.  Do you feel the same way?
(2) What does that say about music's affect on the spiritual/interior life?

What is Falzhaefengilt?

Falzhaefengilt is a feeling of shame, guilt, frustration, or failure in a person arising from or associated with an act of charity the person performed.  Usually the feeling accompanies the act itself but occasionally it immediately proceeds during a period of reflection.

Falzhaefengilt manifests itself as a desire of the individual to downplay the act, or run from the scene of the act, take careful steps to ensure that the act is anonymous and untraceable, or follow up the act with self-deprecating statements.  The individual may sometimes wish to make excuses for the act.  In other words the behavior leading up to or following the act has all the appearance of a guilty conscience.

Schindler's List dramatized it.

It is uncertain how common Falzhaefengilt is but there is plenty of evidence to suggest that it is rather common.

Mother Teresa may also have experienced it.
I spoke [to others] as if my very heart was in love with God—tender, personal love. If you were [there], you would have said, "What hypocrisy."

Her spiritual agony was exploited by her critics who viewed her as a fraud.  They claimed that the phenomenon of Mother Teresa was driven by feelings of guilt called Middle Class or Bourgeois Guilt.  Mother Teresa supposedly took advantage of this.  (Though what this "advantage" got her is unclear).

However, Falzhafengilt is not a feeling that arises from ignorance of the "interior life" or without consideration for the lower emotions.  It is not the product of hypocrisy or unexpressed guilt.  The person who suffers from Falzhaefengilt is aware of the fact that his or her own motivations for the act are not genuine or pure.  That is part of the spiritual problem. The charitable act happens despite guilt not because of it and knowing that feelings of guilt (in terms of one's own fallen nature) will remain.

It can be anticipated that exploring Falzhaefengilt will lead us to other important questions.  I do not claim to have any of the answers to these questions.  But a respectful dialog may help to form a clearer picture of the interior struggles of sinners and saints, the nature of morality, and our relationship with other's as a community and as individuals.

Example 2: "Pay it forward"

To "pay it forward" means to pay for the food for the next person in line, usually at a drive through when it can be done anonymously.  You have heard about it and how it often happens at Chick-Fil-A's the favorite fast food of evangelical Protestants and evangelical Catholics alike.

It so happens that you are in line at a Chick-Fil-A when you look in your rear view mirror and you notice the man in the car behind you is having a difficult time with his two boys in the back seat. When he rolls down his window to order you can hear him yelling at his kids to shut up or he is taking them home.  When it is your turn to pay, you pay for your own food with a credit card and then take twenty dollars from your wallet and tell the cashier that you will pay for the man behind you too.  As soon as you have your food you drive off as quickly as you can, and get as far down the road as you can.

Questions:
About yourself...
(1) Would you have done this if it was a McDonald's instead of a Chick-Fil-A?
(2) Why did you pay for his food with cash?
(3) Why did you drive off so quickly as if you were running away from scratching someone's door?

About the father and his family?

(1) What was the political persuasion of the man behind you?
(2) What do you think the reaction of his boys were when they heard this?  Did they think better of their father or worse?
(3) What do you think the reaction of the father was?  Did he feel better about himself or worse?
(4) Did he "pay it forward too?"  If yes why?  If no, how do you think he felt the next time he went to Chick-Fil-A?
(5) Did he tell his wife what happened when he got home?

About the cashier?
(1) What was her feeling when you paid it forward?  What does she think about Chick-Fil-A?

Now read the parable of the unjust steward (Luke 16:3-13).

Questions:
How do you think the steward, clearly aware of his own dishonesty and corrupt motivations, would have reacted to the commendation of the master at the end of the parable?
(a) With self-adulation?  After all, he is pretty clever and it's good the master recognized it.
(b) With guilt.  He does not deserve the praise of the master.  He is dishonest.
(c) With incredulity.  The praise is meaningless.
(d) With repentance?

Example 1: The Good Samaritan

You are on your way to pick up your child from school.  You see a car on the side of the highway, apparently out of gas.  Looks like a mom and kids inside.  Reluctantly you pull over.  She explains her situation.  She has a gas can.  You leave her kids behind in the car (it's okay... one of them is 16) and give her a lift to the gas station.  She doesn't have any money.

The mom tells you she has a few dollars in her purse which she left in the car and she'll pay you for your trouble.  Do you take it? No, of course not.  It's only a few dollars.  What difference does it make to you?  It obviously means more to her.

You pay to fill her gas can and drive her back.  Of course this is a divided highway and you have to go back passed her car and turn around.  She seems to feel bad about the inconvenience for you and again offers to give you the few dollars she has in her purse.  You tell her she doesn't have to, but if she said a prayer for you that would be more than enough.

You drop her back off, wait for her to make sure her car starts and watch her drive down the highway.  You're now late to pick up your kid from school.

Questions:

(a) Can you think of a reason why you should have taken the money?  Is that reason valid?  How does that make you feel?

(b) Was it right to ask the woman to pray for you?  What were you thinking in making such a request?  How does that make you feel?

(c) Did you consider your own child in this situation seeing as how they were waiting for you and relying on you to be a dependable parent.  What do you say to your child when you are twenty minutes late picking them up?  Will this affect your child's opinion of you in a positive or negative way.  How does that make you feel?

(d) Why did you stop for the mom with the kids in the car?  Would you have done the same for someone else?  Consider this question in depth and search for your own prejudices.  How does that make you feel?

(e) The ethnicity of the mom and children was not mentioned.  What do you think it was?  Why do you think that?  Considering your answer, how does that make you feel?

(f) Based on this experience and your answer to question (d) next time you see a stranded motorist, under what circumstances would you stop?  If you decide to stop, how do you feel?  If you decide not to stop, how do you feel?

(g) How many times in the past have you stopped and how many times in the past have you not stopped for a stranded motorist?  How do you feel right now?

(h) Now read the parable of the good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37).  Does this passage offer any clue to how the Samaritan felt while he administered aid to a Jew?  If you were a Jew listening to this story, knowing what you know about the antipathy between Jews and Samaritans how would you feel? 

For questions (a)-(g) what emotion comes closest to describing the way you feel.

angst, regret, guilt, sadness, remorse, anger, happiness, peace, satisfaction, or other?

Falzhaefengilt

But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing (Matt 6:3)

In this blog we will explore the complex emotion Falzhaefengilt in pseudonymous mode.  The exploration is of limited duration and narrow scope. 

The scope consists of the following:

(1) What is Falzhaefengilt?
(2) Is Falzhaefengilt real?
(3) What are the symptoms of Falzhaefengilt?
(4) Is Falzhaefengilt actually something else?
(5) What causes Falzhaefengilt?
(6) Is Falzhaefengilt a problem?
(7) If Falzhaefengilt is a problem, is it a spiritual problem?
(8) Should we cure Falzhaefengilt?
(9) What would the cure to Falzhaefengilt consist in?